The Mediator In Blue Jeans

Answers to your relationship questions.

Marry Me! Or, I am Leaving

Shawna Leady

Dec 05 2016



Need help having a difficult conversation? Check out my online course!
https://www.udemy.com/the-fine-art-of-communication/?
Link to Dr. Gary Chapman's Book : Things I wish I'd known before we got married. https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B0040891ZS&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_dJLqybTKS7QNJ
Video Description
My fiancée says she's tired of waiting. She says I must marry her within 6 months or she leaves the relationship. What do I do?
We've been together for 3 years. My reason for delaying the marriage has to with career and finance. I wish to secure a job that pays well as I feel my current salary cannot support a family comfortably. I tried explaining to her, but she won't hear any of it.
Answer:
First off, marriage is a very serious decision to make. IF in fact the only reason you are not getting married is because of you desire to have a stable career that can provide for you and your potential family, then I would like you to consider in very real and practical terms “how much do you really need to feel secure?” Also, can this number be reasonably obtained in your career of choice? Are you the only person that will contribute to the household income? Are you sure your girlfriend requires and/or expects a better standard of living, you can provide her today?
Have you had honest financial discussions about your financial plans together, review the debt, if any, each of you will bring into the marriage?
How soon do you want to save for a house? How often do you expect to go on vacation? Where will you go and for how long? Have you had an honest discussion about family planning? How soon do you want to have kids?
There are many things you will need to discuss beyond the wedding. A good book to help you think about questions to talk about before you get married is “Things I Wish I'd Known before We Got Married.” One of my favorite suggestions Dr. Chapman provides is, whatever your financial goals are for your marriage, start taking steps of savings and paying down debt before you get married. Then, it will bring the healthy financial habit into your marriage.
Again, this book is only a guide. As you get started talking about these topics, you make come up with other questions and issues. It is important to find out now where the areas you share your greatest compatibility and identify the areas where you will need to put some efforts to improve. When it comes to the challenges, each of you will need to be honest and determine if being married to each other is the best choice for both of you.
If you are unable or unwilling to discuss money and other important questions about building a life together, then I don't think now is the time for either of you.
It's all about understanding the expectations each of you are bringing into your potential marriage. I would hate for both of you to get married because of the ultimatum only to have it used as a form of manipulation later, where you feel you must do certain things to make her happy or love you. Someone is out there who will love you unconditionally.
If truly feel you need more time than she is willing to give you, then let her go. No one wants to feel strung along. I know it may hurt, but ultimatums never provide a strong foundation for healthy and happy long term marriages. Marry someone you know will accept you for where and who you are today, and not the man you “might” be tomorrow.
My fiancée says she's tired of waiting. She says I must marry her within 6 months or she leaves the relationship. What do I do?
We've been together for 3 years. My reason for delaying the marriage has to with career and finance. I wish to secure a job that pays well as I feel my current salary cannot support a family comfortably. I tried explaining to her, but she won't hear any of it.
Answer:
First off, marriage is a very serious decision to make. IF in fact the only reason you are not getting married is because of you desire to have a stable career that can provide for you and your potential family, then I would like you to consider in very real and practical terms “how much do you really need to feel secure?” Also, can this number be reasonably obtained in your career of choice? Are you the only person that will contribute to the household income? Are you sure your girlfriend requires and/or expects a better standard of living, you can provide her today?
Have you had honest financial discussions about your financial plans together, review the debt, if any, each of you will bring into the marriage?
How soon do you want to save for a house? How often do you expect to go on vacation? Where will you go and for how long? Have you had an honest discussion about family planning? How soon do you want to have kids?
There are many things you will need to discuss beyond the wedding. A good book to help you think about questions to talk about before you get married is “Things I Wish I'd Known before We Got Married.” One of my favorite suggestions Dr. Chapman provides is, whatever your financial goals are for your marriage, start taking steps of savings and paying down debt before you get married. Then, it will bring the healthy financial habit into your marriage.
Again, this book is only a guide. As you get started talking about these topics, you make come up with other questions and issues. It is important to find out now where the areas you share your greatest compatibility and identify the areas where you will need to put some efforts to improve. When it comes to the challenges, each of you will need to be honest and determine if being married to each other is the best choice for both of you.
If you are unable or unwilling to discuss money and other important questions about building a life together, then I don't think now is the time for either of you.
It's all about understanding the expectations each of you are bringing into your potential marriage. I would hate for both of you to get married because of the ultimatum only to have it used as a form of manipulation later, where you feel you must do certain things to make her happy or love you. Someone is out there who will love you unconditionally.
If truly feel you need more time than she is willing to give you, then let her go. No one wants to feel strung along. I know it may hurt, but ultimatums never provide a strong foundation for healthy and happy long term marriages. Marry someone you know will accept you for where and who you are today, and not the man you “might” be tomorrow.

About

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Relationships can either be the most difficult or rewarding experiences in our lives. They mold and change us into the people we are to day and who we hope to become. Sometimes however, relationships can bring out our worst. So, how do you navigate the hard times? The Mediator in Jeans, Shawna Leady is here to answer your relationship questions with honest, straightforward and practical advice. She will guide you as you create the relationships and life you have always wanted. Check out her online course "How to have a difficult conversation." Available through Udemy.com. Click on the link below to learn more: http://www.udemy.com/the-fine-art-of-communication/ About Shawna Leady

Shawna has been a mediator for the past 8 years.
Check out her online course on "How to Have a Difficult Conversation" https://www.udemy.com/the-fine-art-of-communication/?couponCode=Podcast15

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