How to Apologize

Shawna Leady

May 28 2015

I don't know anyone who likes to admit when they have been wrong. However, to error is human. So, what should you do to make things right, beyond saying I am sorry?

Here are the 10 key steps to an honest apology.

1. Acknowledge what you have done.

Please note this is not intended to rehash the past. What you are doing here is recognizing the hurt, disappointment, pain your actions or in action has caused the other person.

2. Recognize how your actions have hurt the other person.

This step requires empathy and seeing the events unfold from the other person's perspective and respecting that they see the world threw their eyes, not yours.

3. Determine a way you can make things right

Sometimes the simple acknowledgement is enough, but if there is something they can do to try to mend a situation, then speak up and let them know what you need, want and expect, before things will return to normal.

4. Resolve not to do it again (and mean it!).

Enough said, if the apology is insincere it worthless. If someone is not willing to apologize, this real issue is with them and not you. Provided you have clearly communicated how they have dispointed or hurt you.

5. Let them know how thankful you are to have them in your life.

Be specific and personalized. No matter how long you know someone, if they are important to you, then tell them. We all make mistakes. If you expect your friends and family to be forgiving when you mess up, the best thing you can do is show them love and compassion, when it's their turn. Our ability to forgive ourselves and others that leads to the most satisfying relationships.

6. Ask for forgiveness and to move forward

Here's the kicker, you can ask for forgiveness, but that doesn't require the other person to give it to you. Everyone is working through something. All you can do is control your own actions. Respect that it may take time for the other person to come around, and that is perfectly okay. All you can do is learn from the mistake, keep your heart open and keep moving forward.

7. Fresh start

After something has happed and you have moved through the previous steps, consider these steps as a form of letting go, so both of you can move forward together with a greater understanding and respect.

8. Give it time

Letting go can take time. If someone has caused you deep pain, there is nothing wrong with seeking out a skilled professional to help you work through and gain perspective about past events. Do what you can to face your demons. This is the only way you will create the life you've always dreamed of.

9. Don't rush things

Healing takes time, you can't rush things. As long as you are making a sincere effort to work through and let go of the things that no longer serve you, you are well on your way. You have every right to feel what you feel. The goal is to learn how to use our relationship, emotions and experiences to enrich our lives, rather than tare us down.

10. Leave the past in the past

Each step along the way, when you let things go, let them live in the past. No need to rehash what happened in the past. If you have worked through each step, there is no need to live in the past. Focus on the present and get ready for an amazing future!

If you are dredging or avoiding having a difficult conversation with someone and would like to know where to start, you can check out my online course entitled, “How to have a difficult conversation”. Feel free to click on the link http://www.udemy.com/the-fine-art-of-communication/?couponCode=Podcast15 to learn more.

Email your relationship questions to Shawna at: [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe!